You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
