I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
