direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
