She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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