Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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