I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize