Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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