You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
there is puke in my bra ... again
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