Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
