Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
