Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
