there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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