just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
