Your tits are I can't wait for
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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