it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize