After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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