never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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