Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
