we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
