Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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