You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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