Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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