i already hear my dad disowning me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
