You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
vagina is talking i cant
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
