when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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