he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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