He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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