Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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