I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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