check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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