Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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