Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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