Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
