Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
