Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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