I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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