ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
