Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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