I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
