my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
