dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
