I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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