Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
