Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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