some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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