I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
