Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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