I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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