i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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