don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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