We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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