put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
