Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
