I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
