My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
