he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
