yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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