happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
