That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
