I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
