I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
