It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
