Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
