I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
