you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
